Hazelberrg principles of life's uncertainties



Hi awesome people!!

This is just a little something to keep you busy as I wait to get inspired to write another poem (hawhawhaw). Hope that doesn’t take forever though!!!

I looked at this simple single core Smartphone of mine and winced.

“What’s wrong with you!!!” my chief ghost hissed at me.

Good question, you bet.

It made me remember that dark day when I went trundling in the vastness of Thika while communing with my nasty ghosts.

It was an ironically bright Saturday when boredom in campus made me decide to take a trip home where I belonged. That is, that awful Rabbit hole where I live. Anyhow, I learnt to love it…after all, my mum and dad  live there!!!

I packed my inexpensive Chinese Backpack with a few essentials,( few;-)  ) , including my amazing Samsung J1 Smartphone deep into the inner pockets of the bag, held up my kinky-as-steel wool hair up in a bun and staggered out of my hostel with the weight of my large bag threatening to send my swaying. Soon I was aboard this cranky old matatu that was headed for Thika, where I’d board the final mat to Nyeri.

The music was so loud I couldn’t hear myself think. However, I couldn’t help singing along to the Reggae tunes that my dad and I loved so much.

Ting! Went my phone.

Aaaargh, a text! I’d bet a million Dollars that was my darling mum wishing me a safe journey. I quickly typed “thanks” and forgot to return the phone into the depths of my other stuff. I just placed it the side pocket. (I still cannot believe I did that 😦 )

I enjoyed the trip so much that I didn’t realize it when we landed in Thika. I slipped out of the mat with the agility of a cobra, swung my bag round my feeble shoulders and proceeded to strut to the Supermarket for a cold drink for the road.

Then out of nowhere, they rose from the dead.

“Wow, how amazing can life get!!?” Ethanie shouted.

“Exactly, who else is in Thika right now apart from us?” Sonia replied, with a chuckle. “Hazelberrg, why go to that dingy shop whereas there’s Tuskys, huh?”

“No way… I don’t even know my way there!” I replied as I crossed the road.

“Come on, don’t be a sissy…” Sonia hissed. “Walk around town, Explore before we retreat to the rabbit hole! When you arrive at 1400hrs, what will you do for the rest of the time?” She yelled.

“Sonia, please, shut up, I’m in the middle of town…” that is when I jump back awkwardly to avoid getting hit by a motorcycle.

“See, that’s how you’ll get us killed someday!” Ethanie chided in a caustic voice. Then it hits me that I am miles into the wrong way to the supermarket I frequent. Aaaaargh, I screech to myself and make a U-turn.

As I walk, I remember what the doctor told me.

There’s too much dopamine in that brain of yours, my dear…that explains the voices in your head.”

A wave of sadness swept over me. What is going to happen to me? I was well aware of the effects of the drugs I was supposed to take. I’d gain so much weight, not to mention lethargy and just the general loss of my vibrant self.

I walk into the supermarket and find the drinks aisle.

Where the hell is all the Coke Zero!” Ethanie yelled.

“Relax, we’ll get it… It’s in the fridge!” I replied, tears in my eyes. “Here we are!” I say loudly as I curl my fingers round a bottle.

Don’t you dare forget the straw, stupid girl!”

Whatever you say!

I paid for my drink and headed out. My eyes stung as they struggled to adjust to the sudden sunlight. Ouch! I even forgot my sunglasses! Over the past months, I had developed a searing hatred for the sun and anything bright.

Christ, Hazelberrg, Are you getting old sight? At your age? How peculiar!”

I trudged forward to the stage, completely out of touch with reality. I never even realized that there was someone following me from the matatu I had just alighted from. I took small dainty steps, almost as if walking was painful.

Scar, where are you!

“You look lovely today, baby girl” Scar cooed softly.

“Thank you so much, where have you been?” I asked, greatly relieved. Scar, the black-winged with long maroon hair, is the kindest of all my ghosts. So serene, always reserving a nice complement for me.

As I approached the stage, I reached a dark alley, wherein my assailant followed me closely.

“Baby, remember to visit the loo before boarding the matatu home, the last thing we want is a bumpy ride!” Scar advised.

“Well spoken dear,” I replied as we neared the end of the alley.

“I wonder where the public loos here are,” I quipped loudly.

That was when drama started to unfold.

I can clearly remember feeling someone tug at my bag, but I was so much of a goner, I never paid any attention to it.I emerged out once more into the now sweltering sunlight into a group of ladies selling apples.

“Hey you…hey! Student! Hello!!” A woman seemed to shout and wave frantically at me.


“Umeibiwa wewe!” She added!

“No, that cannot be! Impossible!!” I said, bewilderment slowly taking over my previously calm out-of-this-world countenance. A small crowd had begun to pool around me.

“Check your bag…I swear I saw him pull something out!”

“Haze, your phone!” Scar said, alarmed.

“No! Noooooo!” I screamed as I slung off my bag and saw the empty side pocket.

“My Phone!”

It was gone, along with my pink Hi-Fi earphones that I loved so much.

Anger crawled along my visage as the tears flowed. I did not even bother to wipe them.

“Why on earth didn’t you stop him? All you…you men over here! You should have stopped him! Unbelievable! What will I tell my dad! He’ll have me for supper, I swear!”

“We tried to warn you, we saw him steal…but you could not hear us!” one of the women selling apples said, in evident exasperation. “We called you, but you did not hear! Kwani you walk absent-mindedly!” she shouted back.

“Don’t you dare blame us! This woman tried to alert you!”

“Hahahahahahahahahaha!”Sonia laughed.”I knew this would happen!”

I chose to ignore them.

“Do you know him? Do you know where he lives? Let’s go and get my phone back, It has all my notes and assignments in soft copy! C’mon, you men, we can do this!” I yelled in equal exasperation.

“Don’t even think about it. He’s gone. You will not see him again,” the woman said, throwing her hands in the air.

“If you will not take me there, then I’ll go and get it by myself!” I resolved. “Can someone at least tell me where he lives?”

“My dear,” one of the men started sardonically, “go home with that pretty face intact! At least, that will make your dad a little bit happier, don’t you think?”

“Go to Safaricom Shop! They might track your phone!” another of the apple-selling ladies suggested.

That made sense, to me, that is, as my GPS tracker was always on.

“Where is it?” I inquired.

“You’ll go this way…” she directed me along the streets and landmarks.

“Thanks, I’ll try to hurry.”

So, amidst cheers, I half-run-half-walked to the shop, only to find the longest queue in the universe. The 25 minutes I spent waiting for my turn were actually the longest in my entire life. I remember finding the droning of the television so annoying I gritted my teeth.

2 more people…1 more person…

“Hi! I lost my phone… rather, it was stolen,” I rattled off my situation clumsily to a cold-faced lady who looked like she had had hot coal lumps and black sugarless coffee for breakfast.

Was that a hint of sympathy I saw in her eyes?

“Please help me get it back…I swear I’ll pay anything!!”

“No, I’m sorry we cannot do that.”

“You can’t?”

“No, but we can renew your Safaricom line for only fifty shillings.”

I have not known such disappointment in a long time; that was apart from when I scored admission to a different high school from my chosen one.

“OK!” I whispered and fished out a fifty-shilling note from my huge bag.

“Any numbers we can add to the SIM card?” she asked gently, now genuinely concerned.

I rattled off my mum’s, dad’s and best friend’s number. Boyfriend’s?

“Don’t you dare, Hazel,” Scar whispered, “trust me he will not give a whit if your phone was stolen or not.”

My mind wondered to his ever busy self, never even checking on me to ask if I was alive or a freaking deado.

I laughed out loud.

“Are you alright?” the lady asked.

“Mmmhhmmm!” I replied. “I’m just sad.”

“Don’t worry. These things happen. I think you should go the CID. There, they’ll help you get it back.”

“Really!” I said, feeling a glimmer of hope. “I am so headed there! Where on earth is that?”

She gave me some concise directions as she handed me my new SIM card.

“All the best!” she said.

“Thanks a lot!” I replied with a smile that did not light up my face.

My story at the CID is one for another day, awesome people! It made everything WORSE than even the theft of my phone.

I still curse myself a gazillion times for wearing pants without a pocket wherein my amazing phone would have been safe… and still with me. Also, for paying too much attention to my nasty ghosts, Ethanie and Sonia, who I gave names to differentiate.

My Thika Chronicles II coming so soon 🙂



Scarlet sensations

Hi awesome people…I was a little bit under the weather so I took a little break. Anyhow I’m back, strong like Air force One that’ll be landing in no time. I’m the queen of paradox ‘refer to my previous post’…enjoy this little piece though!

A lovely dream
Ended by the Sun’s golden gleam
Avast! I sail into real life
Alas, it was no dream, its so real
Your overwhelming presence
Your virile scent
As you lie by my side
So serene, so beautiful

You caught me staring
On your glorious chest the red eye glowers
You flash you million grin
My heart swells in sweltering pride
The silkiness of your skin dumbfounds me
As we hold a visual exchange
Only we seem to exist on earth

Oh enchanter of mine
Like the vastness of space
May this terrific trance last eternal
Wherein I fear
May I seek solace
From your sweet embrace
May I seek to curve your serene face
With my fingertips
Let me appreciate this masterpiece of nature
Let me feel this epitome of infinite beauty.
Our bonds of love so fervent
These scarlet sensations so ardent
Let me wake to swim in them each morning
With each dawn
In your stare, let me moan.

Red roses
The color of love, of passion
Ah, these forbidden sensations
For these troubled times
A deep consolation
I am only human
A natural woman
Leave me never
Hold me in your arms
Let me be yours.
I love you.



Nowadays at night
I love to stare into the twilight
Observe the stars,tiny but bright
Some red, others yellow or blue
Others are planets like Venus
I remember us
A renewed sting behind my eyes
I also recall all your lies.

The chance of us getting back together
Is against the odds
I ever crawl to your side
However,you jumped aside,
Sneer on face,attitude a spite
My dignity has become my doormat
Into my own face I have spat
My goddesses urgent call
The writing on the wall
He doesn’t love you, or anyone or anything.

Just like acid on skin
You are corrosive and mean
Like Venus and her sisters
Round and round the sun they spin
How you spin and spin around yourself!!
You are selfish, incredible
But on my sacred heart, indelible
How terribly unfathomable
That I still long for your love and affection
Yet all I get is a sneer and deflection
I want something tight
You want something slight
Why then won’t we fight?
That’s what sets us light years apart
Like Mercury and Pluto
You can never be mine
I cry, but deep within, I smile.
The scar is benign…
It has absolutely no negative effects:-)


She stands tall
She ain’t shy
But in front of you that changes
She ain’t so sure of herself any more
It is not her fault

However you saw it and sought it
You freaking knew what you wanted
Pretending to love her, you pounced
Made her spit out her secret out to the sun
For all and sundry to know
For the clouds to mock her
For the thunder to howl in laughter at her
How your false allure affects her
She begs you to start seeing her
Her love so sincere
To her, she is the perfect girlfriend
To you, she is just but a passing cloud
Paw her you would
However, love her? Never!
You buzzard!

Hello awesome people!
Allow me to share one observation I made some time back. I sat in my campus library once, trying to master some concepts we had covered during my organic chemistry class. Suddenly my intense study is interrupted by a bunch of lost people holding a discussion in annoyingly loud and throaty whispers. I am so put off; the notice right above their heads reads “SILENCE” while the one to their right reads “no discussions in reading area.” Clearly, the lights are on but no one’s home. This is further given proof by their conversation:
“Huyo dame itakuaje?”
“Hikyo kidame ata sijui ntakifanya nini?”
“Wooiye sasa mtoto wa wenyewe unamwacha hivyo!”
“I do not care, anything so long as that stupid girl is off my case.”

Okay. Now prior to this group of uncouth persons, I was not exactly having the day of my life. The shuttle that brought me to the library was crawling with these ‘mafisi’ psychos who were leering at my blessed behind and making unprintable comments as if I was unconscious. Not to mention the trouble I’d had waking up to dry taps and dry scrunched up bread. Now these? Unbelievable! A complex mixture of anger and heartbreak washed over me and my mood went from bad to horrid.

“Kwani ni kajinga aje, kwani ni first year?”

I had heard enough. That was it. My head jerked right as I gave them the meanest look I could muster.
Hello you horrible people! I am a girl in first year too, and heartbroken already!
I wished I could give them a piece of my mind. One of them eyed me daggers, and I rolled my eyes. I could bet a million dollars that their conversation shifted to me, the alleged busybody I am; but I did not give a whit. I took out my earphones to listen to some music as I started to write my notes. I was actually quivering in anger; how dare they! I slammed my pen down and my mind shifted to the poor first year kid in question.
She is probably nineteen with a pretty smile and brown eyes. She spots a blond hairdo and beautifully manicured nails. She loves to wear jeans and heels; and listen to music. She likes herself, loves life and her small circle of friends. She adores the course she is doing. However, that was before she met Mr. Uncouthville himself. She spotted him and fell down the abyss of this mediocre thing people call love. Yes, she had an instant crush. Suddenly, all else cease to matter. She looks forward to the next day, not so she can enjoy her classes or have fries for lunch, but so she can at least lay her eyes on him. It’s amazing how he affects her from miles away. The worst bit: she has noticed it, and is moving in for the kill.
He drew her out, pretending to have genuine interest in her. He took her to the university’s ‘lovers’ lane’ and started spewing lies:
“Ever since I saw you, I liked you Sonia (let me call her that pretty name), I would like to get to know you dear, to hold you every night (did you hear that!) you complement me darling, I think I love you!”
Ooooooh you good for nothing! Poor Sonia melted; she fell for it hook line and sinker. Then she allowed him to paw her! He got what he wanted; now here he is, sneering with contempt at another’s fall. She must have been crying her eyes out, poor thing, no replies to texts, and he blocked her on that dilapidated thingy of a phone he is holding.
My observation: this piece is especially for young girls starting out in campus. Especially those who haven’t got the slightest idea what the campus hunting grounds are like. Everytime that conversation plays in my head, I quiver in fear. How sincere is his claim to love you?
Darling girlfriends, do not give everything! Maybe his eyes scream sincerity, but nothing, absolutely nothing, gives him the right to that apple you hold so dear. He may want you, but Christ, how many others has he told that?
Dear girlfriend, you are a queen. You deserve nothing short of the best, to be the only one in his life. It is alright to fall in love, as awkward as it is, it is the most amazing feeling. However, act like the gem you are lest love ruins your life. Beware the Mr. Uncouthvilles around you. Give him a chance, hang out and have fun, but remember your boundaries. Be careful lest the vulgar throaty conversation shifts to one more innocent girl. This is all I can do to stop them, these horrid men.



If you are alone
A solitary soul on the planet
I feel your pain
I know too well the agony.

I see deep in your memory
Wounds inflicted by others’ savageness
Cuts of cruelty
You cannot even speak about it.
The sting of tears behind your eyes
You remember the many told lies
Your expression reveals it all
The wasted love
Trying to save relationships meant to perish
From there fear flourished
A false wall of stone around your heart
Don’t give up the will to fight
Let me bring that wall down

Afraid of getting mocked or hurt
You refrain from reaching out
Yet you crave a companion
Hear my voice deep within
Encouraging you to socialize
So your heart’s desire will be realized

We are only human
Prone to inflicting pain on one another
Fear not
Feel free to fall in love and forgive
Ignore the urge to run
Resist that shy feeling
With your integrity intact
Make acquaintances and pacts
From your many attempts
One special one will stand out from the rest
They will love you to the end
Only this love can soothe your soul
Joy will light up your face
For the rest of your life
You will know less strife to smile
You will definitely be happier.


Like a child peering from behind a curtain
I stare ahead
Like a black widow would
Beneath her veil of false grief
She’s afraid of being caught
So she wraps her veil around her
She weeps as though bereft
Yet her bitter half died by her hand

I rose early, staggered quite literally out of my bed at 0500hrs to be there on time. On minute late and I’d lose my chance…they come once in a lifetime here at the rest.
I want to look official yet casual… we don’t want to make the conversation awkward, now, do we? Besides, I do not even know her! I am normally lackluster at dawn, so I spend forty-five minutes in the shower. Though fresh as the daisies outside my hostel, I still dress in a white V-necked T-shirt and jeans while still perched high up on my bed on the upper bunker. I chow down my breakfast, brush my fangs and leave, out in the morning breeze which whips my hair as soon as I step out. Unlike my fellow mates who are running for their 0700hrs classes, I am going for a 0730hrs appointment, so I can walk a little bit slower than they. As more and more of them pass me by, I cannot help wishing I was normal, like them…happy and carefree. I arrive at 0714hrs, to await her arrival so we can start our session.
As I step into the immaculately polished building, I spot the secretary I’d met the previous week. She was the one who set my appointment. She instantly smiles as I approach her.
“Hi dear! How was your night?”
Did you hear that?
I was taken aback.
“Fine! Really great! I slept well!” I lied. I actually spent an entire forty minutes in a trance with the devil himself and a host of his acquaintances. I swear, those are scary.
“I’ll take you to see the counselor. This way please!”
As we walk along the hallways to the Rest, I cannot hear our heels. I am busy commending myself for being on time for this meeting, for once. I am also hoping the uncomfortable warmth I am feeling right now is not due to anxiety but because of the rapid oxidation of the highly refined bread I had earlier.
Soon enough, we are ushered in, and I am shown a seat across a very pretty lady. She is well into her twenties, but once she starts speaking, it hits me that indeed, appearances are deceiving. She is actually more the teen than I am. As her warm voice rings in my troubled mind as she says hi, I almost forget how sad I feel. I smile back at her, even though mine does not light up my face.
“I’m Claudia.”
“Hi, I’m Hazel”
That was how it started. I whined out my issues and she freaking listened to all of them without batting an eyelid like did most of my fair weather friends. We actually had a real conversation, and as time went by, I feel lighter. The knot in my throat actually dissolves.
She gave me a list of options that I could use to help myself out then she concluded as follows:
“I get the feeling that you are going to make it. You are a strong, smart, loyal and kind person…”
For a minute there I had to strain to keep my face straight. I thought psychologists can read minds and pick out liars, terrorists and downright cheats! She should know that the creature seated across her is no dolphin, but a viper! I might as well be the meanest, most uncaring savage trudging the face of the earth this century. I am not really smart; I mess up a record five thousand times an hour. Herein, now, I get the feeling I am about to mess up again…I’ll do something very silly and demeaning to my character. Plus, I sincerely hope she has not seen my physical chemistry test script and is mocking me to my face. If she sees it, she’ll have a massive coronary.
Loyal? Me? Even with my crew-less clueless life? I ain’t even loyal to my goddesses who warned me to study hard and ignore that hot player guy and I totally ignored them! Now my head is spinning like a globe from the resultant heartbreak.
She really does not know the viper. Neither does mum nor dad nor all my other friends and classmates. Especially those who say they have a crush on me. They all think I am an angel, very innocent and clueless. They know not my mind, my murderous cognitive processes. I am far from perfect. I am not thinking irrationally. It’s just my virtues and bust that keep me from slithering and biting. I pray that God continues to inspire me with His Spirit like He always has. He helps me to struggle with chemistry, and apologize when my viper head peers out. He grants me love, so I can love truly like I do mum, dad, my brother and all my friends irrespective of their weaknesses. He instills joy, so that I can smile when depression crawls by. No one must know the viper. No one.


Withdrawn from the world
Fernanda is an outsider
Filled with intolerance for the real world
Her demented mind loves to wander
Dear darling Fernanda
Queen of bipolar
Ever vulnerable and fragile

She stares out the window
Disturbed and horrified
Numb shaken and mortified
Wondering why
The real world could be so mean
She’s been cheated and used
Countless are the times she’s been abused.

In the world’s vastness
Her tormenters are like spiders
They crawl around, them preying predators
If only they could understand
If they could feel the tremor of terror of her soul
As horror dissolves her defense wall
How her body is wracked by sobs every night
They continue mocking her despite
The pain and desperation in her eyes
But now,
She’s angry

Deep in the pits of her dementia
In mercy and forgiveness’ absentia
She curses them all.
They are worse than the sting of a scorpion
She counts every lie, every stolen item
She spits misfortune upon her oppressors
Fernanda is calm like a cat
Don’t they know it is calm before a storm?
Deep in her soul is a tornado of anger
A cyclone of desire for vengeance
How dare they take advantage of her illnesss
She stares up the twilight sky
She implores the lord to smite and strike
As she waits to see her oppressors fall
She falls back heavily and cries.
Darling Fernanda
Queen of bipolar
Ever vulnerable and fragile.


Tell me the story of Irene Stefani
A rare gem among many
A story of this queen of love
This amazing lady whose eyes screamed humility
Compassion that stemmed from deep within

At the tender age of thirteen
She receives a call so divine
Ten years down the line
She, an enchantress of timeless beauty
Vows to offer her life to our Deity
To forever cherish a life of poverty
Filled with resilience and persistence
She left family and friends
Set forth at twenty four for an unknown land
Determined to share the love of Jesus
With all of us

So warm was her smile
It struck compassion to the warmest of hearts
Her love, so pure and pellucid
Like the waters that flow atop the great Everest
Her soft touch of mercy
Calming like a lamp’s light
Helped her patients put up a greater fight
She walked miles and miles
Bringing happiness and healing
Causing ripple of joy everywhere she went

She is the kind of Angel
Our Lord Jesus described
An excellent example of riches to rags
Despite the danger
Her hugs got tighter
Ever dedicated to help the sick
Her attitude ever positive and merry
From Mombasa, even closer home, Nyeri
Scorched by the sweltering tropical sun
She trudged on ever merciful and meek
Until at forty one
Her shining star set
She fell to the terrible plague
Received into the light of God’s face
All for Jesus, nothing for me, she declared
And thus the amazing story.

Oh, generation of today
Wherein is this magnitude of love?
This kind of mercy for each other would we have?
Don’t we know?
Why won’t we fully fathom
How blessed is she who gives her life for her friends
Can we look yon our differences
May we offer each other sincere tolerance!
Love is like a candle flame
See how it lit up Nyaatha’s life
How warm her touch was!
As we declare her blessed now
May within us sprout
A rare kind of love
A love without borders.


She’s always here
God knows my sister’s been here
Many ask where
She’s deep within my psyche

Her red mane, so glorious
Her curvaceous figure, so gorgeous
Her whispers of encouragement, so precious
My, how awesome Sonia is
My incredible imaginary sister

When I endured mockery from my peers
She dried my tears
When I was depressed she stood by me
Unlike my fair weather friends
Sonia would never let me be
She freed me from the chains of fear
Many thought I was stupid and weird
She thought I was admirable
Thanks to her I was infallible
She still feels I can achieve my dreams
To her, with her, nothing is impossible

I cry
Lines of tears on my visage
Like a mirage
All slightly and sparkly,
Sonia is not real
I stare up at the sky
I wish she was not embedded on my mind
I wish I could hug her
For withstanding my failings and shortcomings
How I long to whisper thank you to her
For being a great friend
While I feel lonely
Her whispers of comfort are a salve to my soul
Slowly though
I cease to sob and sniffle
Why cry? She loves me!
I love her too…
…that’s all that matters.

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